Cartomantic

by Cup of Sun

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    Bonus version of "Carry The Darkness" featuring the amazing Caitlin Millerd. Also comes with the original cover art for the three singles: "Carry The Darkness", "Wolves", and "Vertikle".

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about

Please download the FULL album and and consider DONATING if you can afford it, or download for free if you cannot. Regardless: enjoy + share freely with anyone you think might like it.

This recording represents the last 3 years of my life, writing, traveling, recording, editing, re-recording, . There are lyrics that appear on this album that I wrote over 10 years ago, and have waited this long to reach the world. A lot of work has been put into this album (beyond countless hours), so I hope it reaches someone.

Please contact me if you would like to collaborate or say hello: cupofsun@gmail.com

Thank you: My mother and father for always supporting my musical inclinations. My two brothers and all my extended family for always listening and inspiring me. My friends and teachers who have given priceless feedback over the years, thank you all.

Thank you to KL for allowing her beautiful face to grace the album cover.

Thanks to New Orleans, for letting me come home and finish this damn thing.

All Songs ℗ Sam Dillon, 2014.

credits

released 22 August 2014

Sam Dillon: Vocals + Music + Production + Design.

Caitlin Millerd: Additional Vocals on "Carry The Darkness" (Bonus Version) and "Meant To Be".

Lynz Morahn: Violin on "Steep Cliffs"

Samples from the open source music site Looperman are used throughout this album, with gratitude.

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Track Name: Alarm
Alarm

set the alarm
forget the snow
just get in the car and go
no one even has to know
the face in the mirror is cold as you stare
so you vanish as quickly as smoke in the air
no one even has to know
you travel all over but nowhere is home
so you settle down somewhere but still feel alone
no one even has to know
so you try to dig in and see under the surface
hoping to find where the end of the earth is
but all you get is water and stone

there's all you can be and there's all that you are
and the distance between is a little too far
to try and believe in your soul and your art
to swallow your fears and just follow your heart
so sit in the silence that blue skies provide
and try to just hear the true music inside
without all the noise of your car and your job
that keep you enslaved in their claws as they rob
your life away if you don't pay attention
wake up one day just a waste of potential
and all that you'll say is you once had a dream
as distant and faded as an old memory
where spirits were calling your name and you heard
a purpose for life in the sounds of the birds
but all that is gone now you clock in you clock out
your bills in a pile never stop and you know how

the devil works in innocent ways
he never does just what he says
he just lets your whole life pass amidst the wind
Track Name: Carry The Darkness
Carry The Darkness

the night of the saddest gun
if you had one
would you have pulled it?
and when your ex showed up
with a metal hunk
but forgot the bullets
I turn your story raw
inside my head
but I can't imagine we
almost never met
and I wouldn't even know to regret the tragedy

oh we had to be lovers in another life
I can see us lying under cover of a summer sky
but we'll have to be buried at some other time
I am not prepared to see you carried off into the light

you told me once you're a different set of cells
than you were seven years ago
you said I've shed that skin and it's time for me
to begin to let it go
you told me god was dead but instead of dreading death
you felt spiritual
I asked you what that meant and you said
it's a lie that I like to tell myself

you say I carry the darkness around with me
and it's an awful burden
you say I pray like murders my sermon
and I sing like my house is burning down
to the ground
well maybe I'll just still learning how
to be found
and not carry the darkness around with me
because it's an awful burden

and I feel the lock turning in my chest
and I'm caught in the festival lights of your eyes
and the rest of my life is at best just a lie
and at worst I'm still thirsty for death or for dying because I
carry the darkness around with me
Track Name: First Frost
First Frost

night of the first frost
not a car on the road lost
my my, what a slap in the face
when summer ends this way
close all the windows
set fire to the wood stove
and the blue skies are
burning to grey

it's the night of the first frost

close all the windows
it's the night of the first frost

you come like a lover
and you stay like a thief
crawling through the autumn
I can't get no relief
drawing on the forces
you were both with
and I weep so gracefully
oh just hold me please
until i can sleep

you are hurricane ice cream
and the rocks between my teeth
and every little thing
the damn ocean ever taught me

you are hurricane ice cream
and the rocks between my teeth
and every little thing
the damn ocean ever taught me

you are
Track Name: Wolves
Wolves

wrench gutted
like butter in the sun
I boil in the fat of
the things I have done
run like a blind man
night in the woods
with faith in momentum
and trusting in good
and thrusting my chances
through branches and trunks
stoned like a dancer
I wrestle with wolves
howl like a madman
pray like a saint
I'm begging for answers
I wait and I wait
wake up craving a bottle of screams
you know it's a nightmare
but you're calling it a dream
knees of an old man
loose your tooth
you lie so much
you've forgotten the truth
sitting in the white room
taking down notes
whiskey for breakfast
you're breathing so close
and everyone's watching you
watching the clock
clawing at the hours
like you're gnawing at a rock

don't want to be the hedgehog
wanna be the fox
or a clairvoyant mystic
with his head twisted off
still in the water
a lone white dog
got a field of bones
but your teeth are soft
you push it to the limit
you don't know when to stop
knock a shot back snap
and throw a bottle at a cop
and everyone laughs
as the sky turns black
you went for a swim
but you never came back
driving on empty
ready for the show
all dressed up
and nowhere to go
wandering tired
forever you roam
while all you desire
is waiting at home
why do you search for a god
or a church in the fog
or a light in the dark
or a song
what if your purpose is not
what you thought
and all you've been taught
is just pointless and wrong?

we all lift a glass
some go some stay
some live some die
what more can I say?

like stars degrading into dust
our scars all fade with age and sun

oh it's a cloak that we hide the guilt in
behind the oak where they beat the children

like stars degrading into dust
our scars all fade with age and sun
Track Name: Paper Flesh
Paper Flesh

We opened the windows finally
the rain breathed
the air heaved
and we slept backs facing
naked beneath
crimson sheets
bleeding and healing in the night sky
I know I'll never understand
so I don't wonder why
we were wasted
hearts breaking
a glass of water
slowly evaporating

now the cold rush
it can't touch us
so we drove to the ocean bloodlust
you picked up
piles of sand in your hands
and said "we are just stardust expanding"
I kicked up stones with my toes
and sat there frozen
another man broken
I kicked up stones with my toes
and sat there frozen
another man broken

you were everything I wanted and I knew I was leaving
I opened up my chest and my heart stopped beating
you were everything I wanted and I knew I was leaving
I opened up my chest and my heart stopped beating
my lungs stopped breathing my heart stopped beating

you were everything I wanted and I knew I was leaving
I opened up my chest and my heart stopped beating

cuz I'm easier to love on paper then in flesh
so I'll keep in touch till later when I see you next
I'm easier to love on paper than in flesh
so don't do me any favors when I'm off again traveling
don't do many any favors cuz I'm off again
off again
Track Name: Long Train
wait a minute
all the walls are coming down
I'll admit it
I'm the one who's not around
lost in my head
as you toss in my bed
feel the frost settle in
is this the cost of living?

cuz I'm dead without your sweet touch
do I feel too much?
feet brush under covers
and I'm street crushed thunder
in the heat blushing, wonder
what the blunder was, wonder
how we plundered trust
murderous malicious vicious
lover with an uppercut
watch us crumble into dust
stuck in winter wanderlust

I'll go with you if you want me to
but only if you know it's a long train
and there's no one to tell us what to do
I'll go with you just know it's our own way

wait a minute
I tried to do no harm
but got caught up in your charming ways
fell at at alarming rate
I couldn't catch your weight or breath
perpetuating in the mirror
my own mystery and myth
and now the mess is clearing
skeptical and meaningless
words are exchanged
fear turns to rage
you steer steady in my waves
feel the wind in chains
breaking sails just to save yourself
this ship is going down
all that's left to find out
is will you swim or drown

I'll go with you if you want me to
but only if you know it's a long train
and there's no one to tell us what to do
I'll go with you just know it's our own way
Track Name: Meant To Be
Meant To Be

said good morning to atlantic wind
passed the silence picking stones to skip
watched the violets fade to amethyst
this is how it's meant to be

drove a thousand miles to see you cry
could have just stayed home and saved the time
but you could use my steady caring eyes
so this is where I'm meant to be

on a back road in a moving car
dreamt that you'd become a movie star
and that's when I knew you were far away
this is where I'm meant to stay

and much to my astonishment
I saw you kneel and take the hit
with nothing left but your confidence melting away
this is where you're meant to stay

and it's ok that we've lost our edge
and we'll be better off alone I guess
we'll find different ways to grow
instead of throwing stones to sea

this is how it's meant to be
Track Name: Letter
Letter

I wrote you a letter
but I never sent it off
if I didn't know better
I'd say all the words were wrong
telephones lines crossed
satellite signal soft
and your voice is just a distant ship lost
digital love
digital love
digital love

moving onwards we escape
to the airport running late
but manhattan is empty like I've only dreamt
and we cross the east river in a blinding silence

I knew in my bones that I'd be back
I'd hold you in my arms like I'd never left
curl a moan into your neck
a throne to which I can connect
alone again alone again alone again
I wake up in a cold sweat
run my hands across my head
alone again alone again alone again
I want to know your skin and breath
come home and rest within your nest
alone again atone again I moan again:

I wrote you a letter
but it doesn't say a thing
no it's just ink and paper
it can't take the place of skin
but there's no need to worry
I'll be home before you wake
like a shadow in a song
you won't even know I've gone
and then I'll slip back into place
between your arms
where I belong
digital love
digital love
digital love
Track Name: Vertikle
Vertikle

tying up the loose ends
stomach in knots
never learned to breathe
forgive me god
when the party ends
I'm the last one left
along at the ballpark
pitching at a fence
staring down the barrels of guns
all around the world our daughters and sons
fighting blind wars and making a mess
lying when we say: "we'll never forget"
already have in this senseless path
we're walking it again cuz it hurts to laugh
too much dirt in the blood on our hands
to muster the courage to stand
freeway wind touching the edge
full moon crash the ocean a wreck
standing on the dunes and praying for a wave
to come along soon and take me away

praying for a wave to take me away

I watch you release a barrel of bees
I'm covered in honey god help me please
my last thought of you it lingered so long
stinger in deep and sleep never come
I used to believe we would rise up hard
but I've learned quick who shuffles the cards
guards the tricks for the world at large
but nobody winds so who's in charge?
you'll loosen your grip when your fingers are charred
reduced back and stripped of your useless parts
scarred by the whip of a gruesome god
I can't forgive in a room this dark
but I love you wherever you are
the depths of the ocean the heart of a star
I know I rode hard and tried to escape
but I won't run away from you
won't run away

I won't run away from you, won't run away
Track Name: Steep Cliffs
Steep Cliffs

my father is an old man with too many fantasies
but who am I to judge?
and my mother is a catholic with too many scars
to be healed with scattered love
and I want my mother to heal first
before she reaches the end
and I want my father's old t-shirts
to smell like him again

my father chasing me
in a sailboat on the open sea
asking me, oh, asking me

he says "why do your dreams go on year after year
but never seem to appear?"

well what else could I do?

up ahead was a steep cliff
to our left was a death wish
what else could we do
what else could we do

this is my mothers sweet green earth
please love it for all that's it worth
might be all that we get
let her heal in the end
and my father never promised me
heaven or hell
or tried to tell me what tides lied ahead
if I bring you an old map of islands
can I feel his gentle hands again?

if I bring you an old map of islands
a cartographers chest
if I bring you an old map of islands
can I see his sweet face again?



why do your dreams go on year after year
but never seem to appear

the band was playing
on the choppy ocean
they were brilliant
and my family was there
I crossed the rotting bridge
up the staircase to where god lives
and stood at the top whispering prayers

there were photographs and rivers
waterfalls and all of the sudden
the walls collapsed
and I was engulfed
but we came out singing
like two freed slaves
and the song was one that only
the jailed could have made

and my brothers understood

straight on was a steep cliff
to our left was a death wish
what else could we do?